MY STRUGGLE WITH INSTAGRAM
Sometimes we need a reminder, to recenter ourselves and focus on the things that really matter. I’m at this point. I find the best way to balance myself is to be honest, write and seek clarity. Where do I want to be in this life? What is important to me? What will make me feel the most fulfilled? You have been such a huge support system for me and have encouraged me through some of the most difficult times I have had but you have also given me purpose to write and share and hopefully make a difference.
Starting Convey The Moment was a way to distract my mind from infertility, have something for myself and to hopefully inspire others through my experiences and challenges in life. I often think about what things would be like had I never started Instagram. Would I have felt better? Done more with my precious time on earth? Built more meaningful relationships along the way? You’ve seen me post about it here before, how Instagram made me feel like shit (read it here) but I find my self going back to the same feelings. I find when I share these feelings it helps others realize they aren’t alone.
I see SO many girls I look up to and who are using their social media’s as a way to make a change in this world and inspire others with their talents. That I admire. I often think of the children of our future, glued to their phones, losing those interpersonal relationship skills that once shaped and made our world. I am so afraid of that. I think of the hours I have wasted scrolling images and focusing on other peoples lives. That scares me. How many people are focused on our lives and worrying about what we are doing.
It’s an app on a phone that people post the VERY bests of their lives. Oh I can tell you, we try to be transparent but it’s still all an organized disaster. You check your likes, your followers, your feed, omg…seriously? I HATE most days that I got wrapped up in a world that feels so distant to who I really am. Do I seriously care what Sally has? I have never before, so why am I catching myself feeling this way now?
I struggle so much with being the same as everyone else. Doing the same things as everyone else. Posting the same things as everyone else. This is one of the main motivators of why I stopped using LTK. I want people to enjoy my blog and I don’t need to use LTK just because every other chicklet on Instagram attaches it to their every photo. There isn’t anything wrong with this-at all. It’s their job, they are passionate about it and it makes total sense why they are using it, I just feel it’s not a passion of mine so why am I doing it?
Truthfully, I feel like my real life is way more exciting than my Instagram ever shows. I laugh all the time, I’m always up for an adventure, I wear cuter things that never make my feed because I usually only get that cute at night time and the photo is never good enough to post on my feed. I have the most amazing friends who I spend hours with laughing till we cry and the cutest little niece and nephew who I can’t post to Instagram because it isn’t my place to display someone else’s child. Seriouslyyyyyyy? My life feels fulfilled even with it’s struggles and I let Instagram make me question that?
I think back to when I stopped posting, those 3 months felt so liberating. So free of so many negative feelings and thoughts. Focused on being outside and spending so much quality time with my favourite people. The truth is that this is how I feel and I know so many of you do too. Its about numbers, because we see shout outs about 3 times a week solely to gain followers. Who has the bests of the bests and who can post the bests of the bests. Seriously? I need to make a change.
I want to make a difference. For myself and for others. Instagram has the power to be such an amazing thing and I see so many wonderful inspiring individuals using it for so much good. I try so hard to be real, tell you guys how things are really going and to be as transparent as I can but I also find myself caught up in the comparing, the numbers, the photos. It’s exhausting and I’m embarrassed. My end goal isn’t Instagram, my end goal is the make a difference, to build meaningful relationships and to hopefully have someone say; “you inspired me and made me to want to do better”.
I often hear/feel: I’m not skinny enough, tall enough, pretty enough, my house isn’t white enough my car isn’t new enough, my kids aren’t dressed good enough, I don’t have enough followers, I don’t get enough likes, my feed ins’t cute enough, I don’t parent as good, she makes being a mom look so easy….. but what is enough? Honestly?
I love photos of nature, my followers don’t. So I’m going to post more photos of nature because that is what I find to be the most beautiful. I’m writing this to hopefully encourage those of you out there going through similar struggles with something as wild as a social media platform to make the decision for yourself to live with more intent and purpose and hopefully resulting in a more fulfilled life.